Your Secret Weapon for Overcoming FEAR.

This one started with an epiphany…

“You don’t fear other people’s opinions of you… you fear your opinion of yourself!”

Firstly, I don’t write this as someone who claims to be fearless. This could easily be a love letter to myself. Much of it is derived from years of pondering my own fears and limitations. I spoke the above line to a friend and thought it would be fun to write about and dissect. So, dissect it we will.

If you think about it, society conditions us to believe we fear other people’s opinions more than our own.

We’re constantly reminded about “Our fear of what others may think,” so we embody it.

As a consequence, we don’t act or chase the life we want…

We choose NOT to do things we know we want to do because we allow fear to get in the way.

Instead of focusing on how we view ourselves (the real issue), we focus on other options (the distraction), causing far more harm in the long run.

Fear is a real bastard…

Most of us are somewhat shy. At least in a few areas. Even the loudest person in the room or the person who ALWAYS has to speak in a meeting, if you pull back the layers, you’ll likely find insecurity driving their behaviour.

Basically, we’re walking, talking defence mechanisms.

On the flip side, when you meet someone with a strong belief system who is truly confident, they’re never phased by other people’s opinions.

Why is that?

Is it because they love and believe in themselves and have likely been conditioned that way since childhood?

Some of these people are also incompetent, even delusional, and yet, because their belief system is so strong, they still take action; they still move towards their goals.

You might even look on, thinking to yourself, “I could do a better job”, and while that may be true in theory, the reality is you can’t.

***Let’s not get too caught up with the use of the word “you.” Remember, this is a love letter to yours truly! ***

Why?

Because there is a limiting belief within you so strong it will prevent you from even trying. Again, this is likely an adaptation from childhood.

It is what it is. Fortunately, you can still grow from it.

My argument is that while you may have been conditioned to believe the reason for your inaction is because you fear other people’s opinions, that’s bullshit…

It’s because of your belief system, and what needs to be addressed is the opinion you hold of yourself.

Personally, I would take delusion over paralysing fear any day of the week.

I’ll tell you why:

I have seen many incompetent people operate with delusion and become competent over the years because they try, fail and learn by doing.

Okay, delusion may be the wrong choice of word. Perhaps they were embracing an opportunity to learn and grow.

Regardless, through repeated action, they leapfrog those who remain stuck in fear.

The problem with anxiety and extreme fear is that it paralyses you from taking action, and as a result, life passes you by…

You get leapfrogged by everyone around you, and speaking from personal experience, it‘s a horrifying ordeal.

Fortunately, you can do something about it.

By shifting your attention inward, everything falls within your control. As opposed to focusing outward, where nothing is in your control.

“One who looks outside, dreams. One who looks inside, awakens.”

– Carl Jung

So, how do you fix it?

Well, as always, it’s never that simple. If you would like a thorough breakdown, click to read this article.

But to answer the question in a nutshell:

You have to do what the majority of people who haven’t been gifted a solid belief system refuse to do…

You have to take action.

You have to make difficult decisions.

You have to face those fears.

You have to do hard shit you don’t want to do.

You have to make a commitment to your growth.

And you have to keep doing it!

Now, this next bit is important:

You have to stop comparing your life and your journey to others.

Instead, you have to focus on your own growth, pace, peace, and progress.

When you do this, you’ll flick a switch inside of you.

You’ll begin to disprove yourself, and when that happens, your belief system will begin to shift…

And when that happens, your confidence will begin to grow…

And when that happens, you’ll gain momentum, and before you know it, you’ll be looking back, thinking to yourself…

“Fuck, I’m hell-proud and waaaaaaaay stronger than I ever gave myself credit for!”

And you’ll wish you had done it sooner. But by then, you will have done it, so you’ll know there’s zero to be gained from crying over coulda, woulda, should haves.

Much love,